That Place

I envy all of you who have a "place".  I don't have a place.  I have nowhere that I feel so intimately attached to that leaving would manifest itself as physical ailment.  No place that feels like "home", no city to call my own.

For a lot of you, it's California, or Chicago, or New York.  

I've now spent time in: California, New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Chicago, Taiwan, Malaysia, Beijing, Hong Kong, and London.  

None of them are mine.  Yet.  I'm not sure I can ever put down roots in just one place, and be content, like the hordes of people that never even venture beyond the borders of their hometown.  

Or maybe, home really is where the heart is.  So where is mine?

The return of masculinity?

I'm a big fan of Tucker Max. Even though he's a self-described, and from the sounds of it, real-life asshole, I find his stories to be hilarious.

Hypocritical, perhaps, because I disagree with most of his views and his outlook on life. Most recently, he wrote about a fellow internet star's new book, called "The Alphabet of Manliness". And, predictably, Tucker goes on a rant about the return of masculinity and how everyone should fuck off.

But somehow, Tucker believes stereotypical masculinity somehow equates with being a "man". I believe firmly that the two are mutually exclusive. Just as being really feminine has nothing to do with being a woman, being really masculine has nothing to do with being a man.

What exactly is being masculine anyway? Must it be what Tucker embodies? Must it mean a complete and utter lack of empathy, being self-absorbed and a lack of sensitivity? Granted I don't know Tucker personally, but you get the idea quick once you start reading his site. It would seem from his rant that he does believe he represents what it means to be "manly".

Later, he blogs about finding a girl to do his laundry, for free, for sex, or for barter (a couple of the books he's written, for example). At one point, he says in response to why he gets a girl to come do his laundry, "BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN". I figure that's the attitude that Tucker would like to think makes him more of a man than the next. I think it's pretty sad, not only that he does this, but that he thinks it makes him superior in some way.

Back

After a 20+ hour trip, I'm finally back in the U.S.  It was really only supposed to be a 15ish hour trip, but as my luck would have it, my flight was delayed 3 hours before departure, and then delayed another hour upon arrival.  There is nothing worse than to be 10 minutes from landing (after a 12 hour flight) and then being told that you'll be in a holding pattern for 30-40 minutes.  

A long wait to get through customs, and finally... freedom!

I have about a week and a half before I head to childhood friend Jason's wedding.  Got to enjoy my time as much as possible while I'm here!

Requiem

NU's Coach Walker died last night.  He was good for NU football, and I had high hopes for this season.  Now, who knows what will happen?  Sincerest condolences to his family.

Spock's Dilemma

Rational thought is what separates homo sapiens from other species, right?

So why do feelings conflict so often with rational thought?  

It's not that the logic isn't sound, it's that it's just not how I feel.  I feel something so contrary to logic that it's hard to convince myself of the truth.  And even when I finally see clearly the soundness of the logic, I still can't wrestle my mind away from irrational emotion.  

Some part of me knows that it's also this emotion that sets us apart, that makes us human, that makes life worth living.  They say that you have to take the highs with the lows in order to truly live.  It just so often feels like the lows outnumber the highs, or that there won't be enough highs coming to ever balance the lows.

It's been quite a while since I last posted, and this time it's not because there is nothing to post about.  So much has happened in the last few months that it's difficult to know where to start.  

First, I'm learning a lot-- not only about China and Chinese, but about myself.  I no longer feel like a guest in someone's house, but almost like I belong here.  It's actually the closest I've felt to actually belonging somewhere.  

So the next question I usually get is, 'Do you plan on staying in China?' The truth is, I don't know.  But it's no longer outside the realm of possibility.

There's also something liberating about living in a foreign country.  I don't feel as restricted by societal norms, and I'm more willing to try new things.  After all, I'm a foreigner; I don't know any better!  At the same time, since I look Chinese, I can blend in when I want to, and simply disappear into the backdrop of 1.5 billion people.  

Recently returned from a 2-week trip to Sichuan province.  It was one of the most memorable times of my life, not only because of the breathtaking vistas but also because of my travel companions, some of whom have become rather good friends.  I think I'll actually be sad when the semester comes to a close and everything scatters into the wind.

China on $50 a weekend

This past weekend I took a mini-trip to Chengde, a medium sized city about 4 hours by train from Beijing.  

Some highlights:

• Taking the bus is slow, frustrating and cramped.  Buses apparently have no regulations and regularly pick up random passengers who wait by freeway entrances in an effort to make an extra buck.  We wasted almost 2 hours because our bus was trying to pick up passengers.
• Bargaining really is an art.  You can even bargain for the hotel room.  The place we stayed in the first night made a huge show of how much nicer they were than another place down the street, even saying "We guarantee 24 hour hot water!".  Untrue.  Yay cold showers.
• The Imperial Summer Villa was breathtaking.  It's good to be Emperor.
• Temples everywhere.  We only saw two.  Turns out nowadays, temples = gift shops.
• Almost got into a fistfight because a taxi driver tried to cheat us out of 1.60 RMB (approximately $0.20).
• Called the local authorities on a breakfast place for trying to cheat us out of 20 RMB (~$2.50)
• Tried Chinese white wine, 8 RMB a bottle (~$1).  Only 56% alcohol, but went down like fire.  I'll stick to 151.
• Entire trip cost (2 nights): 450 RMB (~$56)

Beautiful

Today marks at least the fourth or fifth time someone has commented on how nice my skin looks.  Mostly because I am white as a sheet, and as it turns out, pale is the new tan in Asia.

So all those in the US who said I always looked sickly and pale, IN YOUR FACE!

All bicycles go to heaven

Of course you hear about how everyone in China rides bicycles everywhere-- but it has to be seen to be believed.

I thought I could get away without a bicycle. 'I'll walk everywhere!' I told myself, indignantly. I caved within a day. The campus is enormous and it takes at least 30 minutes to walk anywhere. Even on bicycle, it takes at least 10 minutes.

Given some large proportion of a at least 1.5 billion people ride bicycles, it follows that there would be a healthy industry built around bicycles. The difference between China and the U.S. is that this industry isn't built around new bicycles, but rather, old bicycles. You can't go more than a mile without seeing a bicycle repair shop. And most people ride old bicycles, or, if you pay a little more, new bicycles that have been professionally made to look old.

Apparently, there is a lot of thievery in China, especially of bicycles. A friend of mine, who bought a rather shitty second-hand bicycle, had his stolen within a matter of days. Granted, it was unlocked, but it was parked in a well-lit place around a lot of people. He thought his bike was too shitty to be stolen, and was very wrong.

Given that everyone rides bicycles, there is also some need for bicycle-pooling, because it's not always convenient to find parking. So, often you will see someone riding on the back of the bicycle. (Every bicycle comes with a little luggage rack above the rear wheel) I hope that one day, I will make it big, and be able to afford a bicycle with a cushion on the back. Then, I'll be able to attract the ladies.

I ended up getting a beauty of a clunker. Pictures to come.

Some quick observations about Beijing:

- The perception that Asian people are short is not true here.  Everyone is at least 5'10.  

- Food is cheap.  Especially at the university.  I can eat a complete meal at dinnertime for the equivalent of $0.60.  This is with food left over.

- Taxi drivers are more reckless than in NYC.  I don't know how it's possible, but it is. 

- Ramen is better here.  Really.

Korean as a second language

In my class of foreign students in the Chinese language progam, approximately 70% are Korean. Another 20% are Japanese and the remainder represents the rest of the world. My entire floor is Korean with the exception of myself. I do wonder why it seems that all the Koreans on my floor smoke - the downside being that they tend to leave all the windows in their rooms and corridors open overnight, making the building very, very frigid. Oh, and they seem to all know each other, judging by the nightly parties that go on down the hall.

A good thing is that the majority of the English speakers that I've met are British or Australain - so they have quite the sexy accent. Yes, even the guys. There's actually one fellow who has the same mannerisms and speech pattern as Hugh Grant, and resembles him to boot. In any case, most people that know me know that along with my search for a girl over 6' tall that will date me, is one that also has an English accent. Instant +2 pts. Even better is that there are actually overseas Chinese from the UK and Australia with said accents. WOW.

I didn't know quite what to expect in terms of living space prior to coming to China. I had gone to Taiwan before and lived in a student dormitory at "Ocean University", which was quite the character builder. If you turned to face the bunk bed across from you, you could feel your roommate breathing on you. And it was the first time I had encountered "sea cockroaches". Like actual cockroaches that roam the beaches, and occasionally your dormitory room. Of course, we had to use squatters. My squatting skills are actually squat, so I had a very difficult time, plus I have knee problems. Fortunately, I found the lone sit down toilet on an uninhabited upper floor that was my little secret.

But the dormitories here are actually quite good - at least the ones for foreign students are. I have my own room, my own bathroom, nice bed coverings, etc. It's fairly new and kept clean. They actually clean your room daily, and wash your bedsheets for you once a week. The bad part is that they start at 8am sharp and they need to get their cleaning equipment from the room directly adjacent to mine.

The weather hasn't been terrible, but the evenings have been somewhat cold. My room in particular has been chilly, and I thought it was the norm until some of the other students mentioned that their rooms are so warm they can walk around in their underoos. It turns out in order to get the room to 15-20 degrees Celsius, I had to turn the thermostat up to 30 degrees Celsius. By now, I should have known to try that earlier.

I've been here not yet a week, but somehow, it feels much longer. I feel like every day is an adventure. It's quite exciting.

The First Days

It's currently my fourth day in China and I'm starting to get settled. I mean, I still can't really figure out what people are saying half the time, or what anything that's in written form says, but I am hopeful I will be able to make quick progress.

I really didn't appreciate the freedoms I had in the United States until I came here - you don't really realize the value of, say, "freedom of speech" or "freedom of the press" until you lose it. When I watch the news, I wonder if it's been censored (probably) and when I talk to people, I have to be careful that I don't say anything inflammatory. That shouldn't be a problem, I guess, if I stick to mundane topics like the weather or how wonderful Chinese culture is.

As a result of my big Chinese brother always watching, I've become obsessed with internet security and anonymity. My travails have led me to Tor, an application designed to anonymize your traffic. I've also set up an SSH tunnel to a computer in the US, so at least I know that I'm not being spied on until I get there (I think maybe only one person reading this blog will appreciate what an SSH tunnel does).

Although, with the Bush administration's penchant for lies and deception, I am certain that federal agents would swoop down upon my parents if I uttered any suspicious phrases. But at least I can talk about the Bush administration being sneaky! There is tremendous freedom in that.

Here is a snippet from the handbook for international students:

"It is forbidden to organize an illegal gathering on campus. The organizers of lectures, speeches, parties and similar gatherings of international students should apply to the university authorities for formal approval 72 hours prior to the commencing of the activities."

Digging their own graves

You know how sometimes a person will overreact to something, and it seems like a completely expected reaction to that person, but not to anyone else? For example, once I and a few other people were late to holiday dinner (and I am working on my tardiness, seriously) - and the hostess lost it and shut down for the rest of the night. Oh, and she also stopped talking to me and cut off all ties. She obviously feels that it was a valid reaction, and while I don't discount her feelings, think it was a bit over the top.

This is how I feel about the violent protests in the Middle East and other Islamic countries over the recent Danish cartoon depicting the prophet Mohammed with a bomb in his turban. Sure, I get that it's an affront to Islam and that it's offensive on a deep level to Muslims because a) it's an artistic rendering of the prophet Mohammed, which is apparently not OK in Islam and b) it's Mohammed with a bomb.

But I wonder what the people protesting are truly mad about. Are they upset that a picture was drawn of Mohammed? Are they mad that a Western cartoonist seems to be mocking Islam? Or are they mad that there's a grain of truth in that cartoon that stirs feelings of shame and guilt (that then get translated into anger and riots)?

From what little history I can recall, violent protests have never really accomplished anything positive. The most successful movements have been peaceful: Gandhi and India's movement for independence, MLK Jr., Rosa Parks, et al. and the civil rights movement, women's suffrage, etc. Unless you're willing to wage all-out war (a la the American Revolution, Chinese Cultural Revolution), violence doesn't seem all that smart.

The dilemma for developing Middle Eastern and Islamic nations is that they have to find a way to develop while making a case for them to govern using Islamic law. Right now, all I see from that region of the world is violence, for example, over a cartoon.

In Speilberg's recent movie, Munich, the protagonist Avner by a strange twist of fate comes face to face with a group of Palestinian terrorists in the same safe house. Avner ends up talking to the leader of the Palestinian group about why the Palestinians use terrorism to advance their cause, to which the Palestinian explains that it's the only way they have to make the world take notice and pay attention to the plight of the Palestinian people.

Ultimately, I think this is a doomed approach. The very people you are trying to get the attention of see only death and destruction in the name of your religion and its God. They see seemingly soulless men and women who justify suicide bombings with false notions of martyrdom. They see the murder of thousands of innocent people around the world to avenge the deaths of allegedly innocent Muslims. None of this makes sense in a civilized sense. You don't get people to sympathize with you by killing their family, friends, countrymen. At best, they fear you. At worst, they turn against you and want to eradicate you and your religion off the face of the planet. It seems that the sentiment is somewhere between ambivalent and the worse option.

I don't know what the solution is, but I do know that with each suicide bomb and terrorist attack that occurs, I have less and less sympathy for the very people and causes those attacks are meant to champion.

Happy day

Today, something happened that brought a huge smile to my face. I couldn't believe my good fortune.

I found a box of snack puddings that I bought a while back, but had forgotten about. You know how sometimes you reach in your pocket, and you find a five dollar bill that you didn't expect, and you feel like you are, like, so rich? This is better. What a happy day.

Madhouse

Have you been to a Wal-Mart lately? It seems like the local Wal-Mart has become not only a place for great bargains on everything from honey roasted peanuts to contact lens solution, but also a complete zoo.

I went to Wal-Mart on Sunday for some basic necessities: shampoo, razors, etc. You could not turn around without bumping into someone. The line at the returns/exchanges counter was 5-10 people deep at all times, and there were at least three people rummaging at each discount/sale bin.

Some people I know love the action - hence shopping for anything in Chinatown or going to DSW. I hate shopping with so many people around. I like to take my time, compare prices, examine the quality and craftsmanship of each and every bobble-head, without the worry of being run over by shopping carts.

The worst part was that the two things I was really hoping to get were both out of stock. Who knew Clear Care and Neutrogena Hand Cream (fragrance-free) were so popular?

It's all the same?

I like to save money as much as the next guy. In fact, some people I know even describe me as frugal. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with frugality, it's just smart not to throw your money away. So for many things, I tend to buy generic, especially consumables. I'll buy generic glass cleaner, toothbrushes, etc.

But, there are some things for which the generic version just doesn't cut it. Here are some examples:

Toilet paper. Generic toilet paper is often micro-thin, and only comes in packages of 20. You may as well use your fingers... for a long time.

Cereal. This really should be the bread and butter of generic purchases, but "toasty o's" and "cinnamon square crunch" just doesn't taste the same. Not even close.

Contact lens solution. Even though I know that the generic version has the same formulation, I just don't trust it. I'll take generic aspirin, ibuprofen, etc. But somehow, I just can't bring myself to put generic solution in my eyes. My favorite so far: Clear Care by Ciba Vision - I don't think there's even a generic version of this yet; it acts like the old AOSept system that really cleans your lenses well. Try it if your contacts feel uncomfortable.

Peanut butter. Only JIF for me. Maybe it's the marketing, but I really think JIF tastes better. It tastes more peanut-y and smoother, and doesn't taste as sweet as generic peanut butter.

Interestingly enough, the generic version of honey roasted peanuts that Wal-Mart sells actually tastes better than Planters. I like to get the 2 lbs. value pack. Mmmm mmmm.

Rain on the parade

Well, it seems Northwestern won't be able to pull it off after all - it's 43-38 UCLA with 0:00:23 left. With the onside kick as our only chance, it doesn't look good at all. I can't deny that it was painful to watch NU lose a 22-0 lead, but I take solace in that it was a much better showing than in any of our last two bowl games where we were completely blown out.

The best thing about Wildcat fans is that we all have hope. At the end of the 4th, with only 0:02:00 or so left, most of the UCLA stands were empty. The other side was packed with Purple. We'll keep hoping until we win our second bowl in 50 years. It will happen.

Sunny side of the street, part II

After a spectacular 1st quarter, Northwestern is down by 11 in the 4th. I believe we can still pull this off - and if we do, it'll be a huge coup by a scrappy NU team.

Waiting with bated breath...

Extra, extra

Today I wrapped my first day of a movie shoot. Ok, it wasn't really a movie... more like a small, independent film. Fine. It was a transit security training video. Still, it had a camera crew, lighting, sound, director, actors, other extras, the works! It had everything except stuntmen and special effects.

Not a bad gig, if you ask me. It's perfect for people who get a lot of time off and want to make a few extra bucks without committing to a longer term job, e.g. Alaska fishermen, students, housewives/husbands, retirees.

My new life goal is to be an extra in a zombie movie. Ughhhh.. Ahhhh!

Who cares, it's just a joke.

I used to hear it all the time when I was in college and active in publicizing social issues. The apathetic majority's response to activism was usually along the lines of "Get over it. It's just a joke." or "There's too much political correctness. Get a life!"

What's ironic is that I've said that myself about some issues, usually issues I care little about. I suspect the same is true of many other people. You don't care until you do, so to speak.

Five or six years ago, Abercrombie & Fitch came out with a line of T-shirts that had slogans that made fun of Asians. An example: "Wong Brothers Laundry-- Two Wongs can make it white." One company official even said that they thought that Asians would love the shirts. Well, many Asians didn't, and made some noise, demonstrating outside Bay Area stores. The response from White America, and White-washed Asians? The typical "It's just for fun" bullshit. We got the same response when a hateful email was posted to a fraternity listserv at my university around the same time. I think the problem is that if you let jokes based on stereotypes become socially acceptable outside of friends, then it becomes much more pernicious.

Anyway, recently, Abercrombie came out with yet another slew of offensive T-shirts. This time, the shirts were offensive to girls. Slogans included "Who needs brains when you've got these?" (across the chest), "Give me something to scream about" and "Blonds are adored, brunettes are ignored". So some high school girls have organized a "girlcott" and have even met with top Abercrombie executives.

Personally, I think they're kind of funny and don't really care one way or the other about the T-shirts. Maybe they should just get over it-- it's just a joke.