The mother of excess is not joy but joylessness

I know I should be thankful for everything that I have, for the life I have lived, for the life I have the opportunity to live. Especially since I've seen firsthand the lives of people that don't have even a tiny bit of the advantage I have or the opportunities I've had as a result.

Instead, I find myself complaining when I play a set of tennis poorly rather than remember how lucky I am to have been able to learn to play.

I turned down $20/hr English tutoring in China because I deemed it not worth my time, even though plenty of Chinese don't even make $20 a day.

At first I felt bad about attending my alma mater because it was only a top 10 school instead of top 5, though plenty of people in the world don't even get a high school education.

I should be thankful, but I feel differently. I've thought maybe it's because I've been fortunate that I feel guilty for not doing better, or that I feel like I should be able to reach an even higher level. Or maybe it's much simpler-- maybe I simply need to feel superior to other people, or at the very least, not inferior. An inferiority complex, perhaps. And then I think how ridiculous it is for me to feel this way when a migrant child in China is wondering whether they will be able to finish school or a black child in the inner city is wondering if he will live to see his 21st birthday.