It's new! It's exciting!

Seriously. The one thing that has made me smile in the last two weeks? They are building a Bob Evans just minutes away from my house, near the AMC 24. Hot diggity.

On the brink

As I was running yesterday, I realized that I am always on the edge. I am always teetering, just a step away from disaster. Every day, I have an internal battle that I sometimes win and sometimes lose. I'm not sure if I win more, or lose more. Let's take running for example. I know I should do it, I know I need to do it, or at least some sort of physical exercise. Even on mornings that I win the initial battle and actually go running, while I'm running, I constantly negotiate with myself. "I can do X miles today. I can. I can. No. Nevermind, I want to stop. No, keep going! Keep going! But my heart hurts..."

This applies somewhat to every aspect of my life. I always feel like I am just about to go over the edge and end up in a downward spiral, and end up in some trailer park, watching satellite TV on a second-hand couch eating potato chips in a sweat-stained wife beater undershirt and briefs, and unable to pay the rent.

On the other extreme, I often have flashes of ambition, where I want to do something truly amazing, perhaps write a best-selling novel, or start a succesful business, or even write and direct an award-winning screenplay. I don't know - but the point is, I want it to be something above and beyond what I consider a "typical" existence, of a job, mortgage, wife, kids, dysfunction.

Then again, sometimes I settle into the resignation that I will probably end up somewhere in between the above scenarios, in the typical existence I am trying to avoid. And then my life will be over. Will it have mattered then?

Right now, I am trying to maintain an equilibrium that will bring me closer to my ideal of an atypical life rather than the other alternatives, but it's a daily struggle - some days I really just want to sleep until noon and then watch Judge Hatchett, while eating potato chips. Whatever the outcome, I know it will include sweet, succulent, tasty, dark russet potato chips.

Unalterable truths

Truth #44: If you've been sleeping, or sneaking a nap, it's impossible to pretend that you haven't been. You can wash your face, run around a little, clear your throat or practice your voice, but people can always tell that you just woke up.

Running

Ever dream of being chased, and you're running and running, and just when you are either about to get away or you are about to get caught you wake up - and find that you are exhausted?

No Imagination Part II

I lamented the loss of imagination in today's playthings in a previous post, and I feel compelled to voice my malcontent about the other area of imagination under seige.

By now, some of you will have seen movie trailers for an adaptation of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe. You may remember the magic that was this series by C.S. Lewis when you first read it, perhaps in fifth or sixth grade. It is one of a few great works of children's literature that has not been chewed up and regurgitated in the form of a movie.

One by one, the greats have fallen, including Matilda, by Roald Dahl, The Witches, also by the venerable Mr Dahl (as the Brits would punctuate), Holes, by Louis Sachar, the entire Harry Potter series and now The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe. It really makes me sad, not because it's not fun to watch a movie of a book that you've read, to see how someone else might interpret it, but because a lot of children these days' only experience with the literature is through the book - which not only removes their imagination from the equation but also, many times, removes any incentive to acutally read the work that inspired the film.

I truly hate this trend of moviemakers, to avoid coming up with original film ideas, steal from established and one-of-a-kind works of literature, especially children's literature. It's hard enough to convince kids to read, but if you take away the most persuasive of those reasons to be a lifelong reader, what else have we got? "The Baby Sitter's Club"? (I loved that series too, but it's no Narnia)

Well, at least for the time being, we still have The Hitchhiker's Gui... Oh, wait... nevermind.

Men are simple

In case women ever wondered what made men tick, in the sex department, I decided to generate a very scientific-looking chart to help break it down. (note: the intersection doesn't mean anything - but the implication of the average between the two trends means that at any given point, a man's maximum sexual enjoyment is only about 42%)

All in good time

I've been in New York City for almost two years now, and I'm just finally getting it. I'm finally getting how people could live in one place forever, and never get tired of it - in fact, how people could grow obstinately more attached to a place by the day.

There is simply no other place in the world like New York, the city. Anything and everything you could ever want is within walking distance (except Wal-mart). Everything runs the gamut from everyman to world-class. It's really hard to describe the feeling you get living here, unless you've done it. It's a sort of energy that pulses through you even on the most lazy of Sunday afternoons.

Yet, I am ready for something different. I don't know if I will come back, but I've never felt like I could stay rooted in one place too long, despite a yearning to do so. Stupid paradoxes.

We do what we gotta do

On any given day, you can stroll around my firm. What you will see is not the frantic activity of worker bees and the flurry of fingers at keyboards. Well, except for those who are IMing.

For the most part, with the exception of tyros or toadies, you will see people working as hard as they can to do as little work as possible. Peek at the screens of the secretaries. 90% of the time, they are all playing Zuma, the other 10% of the time they are IMing or on the phone.

Everyone else? Mindlessly browsing the internet, reading the New York Times online or ESPN.com for the tenth time or rabidly clicking the "refresh" button on their gmail. (nobody's sent you an email, so you can stop now)

I suspect that this behavior is being repeated ad infinitum across the globe (except, perhaps, in China, where you only have access to the state news website). No wonder Americans work longer hours than any other nation for a marginal increase in productivity. We spend those extra hours on the internet, wasting time, and our lives, away.

Deep down

On a daily basis, some attorneys, especially partners, I only see in the bathroom. I seem to have a similar bathroom schedule as quite a few of the partners.

Today, while at the urinal, a partner came in, settled into the urinal one away, and let out a big fart.

Personally, I've never gotten in the habit of farting while peeing. In any case, I couldn't help but smirk a little.

The cool gossamer breeze
an occasional streetlamp flickers
do you hear the faint hum?
it's quieter than silence.

multicolored facades mark where life begins
bastions of limpid alleys course between
thundering avenues

trees and fauna dot the landscape
walking through living

Soup of the day

Just a quick observation. Has anyone else noticed that in a subsidized company cafeteria, the item that is always most subsidized (and therefore affordable) is the soup? I have.

Friendship points

I have this strange notion that I have "friendship points", that I accrue when I either a) have left a friend alone for a while or b) I've helped them out in some significant way. Don't get me wrong - I don't keep score, and I don't help out my friends with the expectation of anything in return. BUT I do feel bad if I ask for help from my friends too often, or if it's something really big.

An example is moving help. I think you can ask any friend at maximum twice in five years to help, with the promise of free beer and pizza as minimum compensation. The ironic thing is that I only consider asking for help when it's a big deal and I've exhausted most other options (makes sense, right?) and since I really hate asking my friends to help with things, I end up feeling really bad about it.

One of my friends has suggested that my notion of "friendship points" is ludicrous, that it doesn't work that way among true friends. I think true friends (BFF!) are hard to come by, and that managing "friendship points" is crucial until they reach the upper echelons of friendship. And here is another post with an awkward ending.

Shortsighted

There is nothing that bothers me more than people who talk about how strapped for cash they are, but go out to eat three or more times a week and take two week vacations twice a year.

It also bothers me when people come into a large lump sum, be it through inheritance, selling something (like a car or jewelry), or a tax refund, (On an aside, I think for the most part, expensive jewelry is a waste of money, especially if you don't have enough of it to toss around)they spend it on a lavish vacation or pamper themselves with a 40" plasma screen TV or a new wardobe. I would stick most if not all of that money right into the bank or investments.

Maybe it's just my line of thinking - but some things you can just do without. I don't need a new wardrobe every season. I don't shop at K-Mart either (though, I think if you're in that position, there's nothing wrong with it). So I just own fewer items of better quality. My oldest items are more than five years old. For the most part, I don't buy things I don't need or use.

I'm really annoyed that we are a nation of spendthrifts who don't save enough, who value a cheap thrill over long term solvency.

Why mess with a good thing?

There is some solace to old standby recipes, like Heinz ketchup or Thomas' English Muffins. They still have the same great taste that I remember when I was a kid. It's also why the Colonel's secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices hasn't changed since the 1930s.

One of my favorite snacks growing up was Lipton's Cup-a-Soup, especially "Cream of Chicken". I didn't like "Cream of Chicken" because it had a delicious, smooth, chicken-y taste, or because it went down like spring on a cold winter's day, but because of the boogers.

Yes, the boogers. Anyone who has had "Cream of Chicken" knows exactly what I'm talking about. It's impossible to mix it perfectly with the water, so in the process of mixing the soup, boogers of semi-dissolved soup form. What makes them so good is that they really do have the consistency of boogers, and each booger has the salty goodness of creamy chicken soup. To quote Dave Chappelle, "MMMMmmm... mmmmmm... BITCH!"

Unfortunately, this has all changed recently. Their new recipe allows for quick dissolution of the tasty "Cream of Chicken" particles. Consequently, there is a much lower chance of booger formation. It takes all the joy out of drinking "Cream of Chicken" soup.

Another recent recipe change is with Pringles original flavor chips. For some reason, the newer chips taste like they've been fried and are less "Pringle-y". Such a shame.

Nobody's worse than you

You often hear people talking about how other people should be more considerate. This comes up in matters of relationships rather often - "What a jerk! He's such an asshole!" or "She's such a bitch, coldhearted and cruel."

We assail others for being rude, insensitive, or selfish, when really, we're the ones being selfish. Why should we expect anyone else to conform to our expectations? Presumably, most, if not all, behavior is for self-preservation. Being cold (as in dumping someone without warning, like the Sex and the City episode where the guy breaks up with Carrie by leaving a Post-it) is just a way to preserve our own feelings. Nobody wants to feel bad, or be made to feel guilty. So you avoid it, or just skip out.

In the episode, Carrie goes on and on about how the guy could have been more mature and how there's a "better" way to break up with someone. But why should anyone have to bend to what you or I think is the right way to do something, especially when it involves feelings? That's the most selfish thing I can think of.

Tasty

An interesting observation lately - my tastes have changed. This might not sound like a huge deal, or it may be obvious to others, but I always thought that my tastes would stay the same, more or less.

But I've found that now, for example, different things are fun to me. I used to looooove Six Flags and Disney World. Now, they are not so exciting. In fact, they can be a chore. I used to looooove candy. Now I rarely, eat candy. I used to looooove cartoons. Now most cartoons bore me. I also used to find certain girls attractive. Now I'm finding very different looking girls attractive - even ones I would have previously considered unattractive. It seems that either I'm maturing, or I'm simply changing. Hopefully it's the former.

So while I imagined myself listening to my "The Chronic" album and going to raves when I am 65, maybe, instead, I will be listening to oldies and classical music, and wearing a bowtie and brimmed hat.

What I really want...

is... Actually, I have no idea what I really want. I have a vague idea, some perception of what I want. But I have a feeling that this perception is based largely on societal expectations. In many ways, that's fine. It makes life a lot easier if you know what you're supposed to do. You don't have to be original.

I've been thinking about this more and more lately, as I don't want to conform to societal norms but there's a certain comfort in it. I'd feel like I belonged more if I liked the same things other guys like, if I ended up marrying in my own race, if I had two kids, a stable, well-paying job and a two car garage. I should also have a backyard barbecue pit, live in a tree-lined subdivision and have a dog.

Would I feel as OK if I didn't do all that? I think that this post is evidence that I might not be, even if it's all in my head. Just because it's something imposed on me by myself doesn't make it any less real.

Veggie tales

I like vegetables. Really, I do. I mean, I like meat more, but I also like my vegetables. Not to mention that they help to keep me just a "regular" guy.

However, since I've lived on my own, it's been hard to eat my vegetables. In fact, it's become a real chore. See, I can rarely eat my vegetables before they go bad.

I guess it's mostly because I can be lazy about things. I don't like shopping for groceries all the time; I like to shop once or twice a month and be done with it. Unfortunately, veggies seem to go bad after just a few days in the fridge - and it's been worse since I've moved to NYC. It seems like everything in NYC arrives in the city just before its expiration. So we get vegetables and fruit that look fresh, but are really just a day or two from starting to go bad.

Milk, though I've always been able to have it last at least a few days past the "Sell By" date, always goes sour ON the "Sell By" date. In NYC, the "Sell By" date is also the "Last possible day you can drink this milk" date.

So every time, I buy vegetables because I know I need to eat my vegetables. Then I spend the next week frantically eating them because they will go bad. It's takes what little enjoyment there is in eating vegetables out.

Circadian Rythm

I have just realized that I follow a particular cyclical pattern. Every few months, I'll get really, really lazy. I'll stop exercising and just lay there watching TV and eating potato chips. Then, as I get sick of myself, I'll snap out of it, and go crazy exercising and generally getting myself together.

Right now, I'm coming off of a lazy cycle and heading into a getting myself together cycle. I wonder if one day, I'll be able to sustain the got together version of me. I assume it will be useful if I ever want to grow up.

Vices and spices

Dave's post on making burnt rice for dinner made me realize something. I am incapable of eating at home without watching TV.

Let me repeat that. I am incapable of eating at home without watching TV. I have to, have to, have to have the tube on, or I feel like I'm wasting time, especially since I can't do anything else while I'm eating (too messy to eat and do paperwork, etc).

It's kind of a bad thing, because what is typically a 10-15 minute meal (when I'm eating alone), turns into at least a 30 minute "meal", or perhaps a 60 minute meal, depending on how long the show is. And sometimes, one show turns into two, turns into three...