Shopping Sniper

I've told people before that I don't mind shopping. I've said with the utmost sincerety in my eyes that I don't at all mind wandering aimlessly examining articles that I will never buy with care. It's a lie.

I think I've told this little lie mostly to girls, with two goals in mind. 1) To garner favor and 2) to gain a potential shopping partner.

Even with respect to goal #1, I find myself tiring by the third store. I am impatient; I cannot stand to look at every item in the store in search of a deal. I am more impatient than I am frugal - these days I will buy something that I see that meets my criteria even if it's a little more expensive than I would like, if I really need it. If I don't, I give up and go home.

With respect to #2, I like shopping for myself only marginally better than accompanying another shopper. But I do like to get a second opinion on things. Therefore, I like having a shopping partner. Selfish? Yes. But with my entire purpose in shopping focused on finding the item(s) I need as quickly and as inexpensively as possible and going home so I can lay half-naked on the couch licking the potato chip crumbs off my bare chest whilst watching bad TV, I don't think it's nearly as painful for my shopping partner as it is for me when I am the partner.

This brings to mind the Christmas holiday, which just passed, and the pain that is holiday shopping. Holiday shopping is even more painful than normal shopping because you a) don't have time to really look for deals b) you have a deadline to make your purchases c) everyone else is out shopping and d) you don't have time to think about what you are buying, so you usually just end up getting junk. I also end up paying more sometimes just to get it all over with, rather than looking for a deal... but I figure why spend an extra hour to save $5?

To all that love shopping, Lord help you.

Third tier

A somewhat depressing note - I filled out a survey today to get $10 off $100 at an Apple retail store. When they ask for ages, they always ask about it in tiers, like 0-17, 18-24, etc. I have been selecting the 18-24 age range for as long as I can remember filling out online surveys.

Today, I had to choose the 25-34 age range. There's nothing like selecting the next range to make you feel old. I think the only higher range that would make me feel better would be a higher tax bracket, but in this case, I just feel old.

WW folk listen up

As you know, a significant portion of our entertainment when we are back in West Windsor comes from two sources: poker/gambling, and xbox (Halo and Halo 2 in particular). Unfortunately, we do not have an xbox in West Windsor.

I know I have one, but I'll be damned if I'm lugging that thing home for a few days, plus the hassle of connecting and disconnecting it in my apartment. They also don't rent these things anymore.

THE PROPOSAL
We purchase one this holiday (probably on sale!) and split however many ways. It should be about $225 (or less) with four controllers. We would then be joint owners of the xbox, and can vote on where to keep it, preferably somewhere accessible like one of our houses, or we can bury it somewhere.

Think of it like a partnership or cooperative. Our individual liability would be something like $45 if just 5 of us go in on it!

Tell me if you're in or not, or if you have a better idea.

A lost temper

As I do quite often, I inadvertently took a 3 hour nap today. While napping, I had a dream. And in my dream, I had a temper.

Yes, I had a temper. It was quite realistic, actually. I was at some sort of meeting, and people were talking about issues. What the issues were is not important. Everyone was talking over each other and the meeting was going nowhere.

I tried to get everyone's attention to talk, and I actually threw things (I think marble tiles?) to the floor and yelled "Stop the side conversations! Stop the side conversations!". I could feel my temper rising. I was really, really angry. Almost as angry as only once before. In the end, I think I was so frustrated that I ended up storming off and quitting the group that was holding the meeting.

I woke up with my heart beating fast and I could still feel the effects of losing my temper. It was not a pleasant feeling.

I don't recall any adult seeing the results of my losing my temper ever before, and I hope that doesn't happen anytime soon - because it's not pretty. Good thing it takes a lot for me to lose my temper (more than what happened in my dream).

Company parties

Last night was my company holiday party. I've always found large gatherings of people that don't know each other at social functions to be somewhat awkward, especially when your company is organized in an extremely heirarchical way.

First of all, all the senior people stood around together. All the young people stuck together. All the support staff stuck together. And all the minorities stuck together. None of this is surprising, I suppose.

What was really interesting/funny was the dance floor. Imagine a bunch of stuffy old white men, mixed in with old, large, white women, young straight-out-of-college kids, and minorities (mostly black and hispanic). It's the epitome of "diversity", at least on a surface level (and then only by ethnicity).

Imagine everyone standing around the dance floor while the DJ desperately spins the latest grooves ("Celebration", Kool & The Gang, "Billie Jean", Michael Jackson), all kinda wanting to dance, but nobody brave enough to step onto the floor. As the night went on, and the alcohol kept flowing (it was an open bar), you could see the dance floor shrinking, but still nobody taking the bold step of going to the middle. It was almost like watching a bacteria colony growing around penicillin (you know what I'm talking about, Andy and Ann).

I had to leave in the middle, but I'm sure that as the night progressed and the alcohol took its effect, that you would have witnessed the most eclectic group of people grooving to the latest 70's and 80's hits.

My daily routine

Does anyone else wake up for work, think immediately about what to eat for breakfast, and once breakfast is consumed, spend the remainder of the morning thinking about what to eat for lunch? (Perhaps imagining the lunch and eating it in your head)

Then, spend the rest of the afternoon thinking about going home to take a nap?

Current Leader of the Commonwealth

Tips for a Speedier Santa

Here are some friendly tips for aspiring Speedy Santas:

Use a high quality mousepad made of a perfectly smooth material

Spray the mousepad with Pam®

Use an optical mouse

Clear your desk of all obstacles

Santa likes a fast start, get going as soon as the light turns green

Keep accelerating as much as you can. Santa will go faster if you let him

Eat a good breakfast. I recommend Wheaties, the breakfast of champions

Swear to name your firstborn child "lostpancake" and I guarantee you will get a faster score

Speedy Santa - League?

So Andy has formed a league so I can whoop his ass in real-time. All this proves is one point:

Is there no one that can compete with me?

High maintenance

Even though I posted about being alone and friendless in NYC a few months ago (which was for the most part true - since I feel alone even when I am around people that I know, but don't know very, very well), I am now finding myself trying to maintain three or four separate circles of friends. Some of these circles can't really be considered "circles", per se, but might just be someone I am friends with but don't know any of my other friends.

I have:

Work buddies

Old work buddies

Old work friends (who are now just "friends")

Random friends (these are the people who aren't associated with any particular circle)

Good friends (usually from college or high school)

New friends (usually through friends, or through this social club I got sucked into)

It really takes a lot of time! I always mean to email or call, but then I run out of time, or I miss the window to do so. Maybe more on this later. I'm tired.

I don't know

Do you ever start talking and just don't know what you are talking about? Yeah, me neither.

Insecurity embodied

What is embarrassment but the embodiment of insecurity? It's an emotion that arises because you are conscious and not OK with a judgment you assume/know others are making about you. As I love to dream of utopia and ideal worlds, there should never be a situation where you feel embarrassed. But it happens. Even if you are unabashed, there inevitably arise situations where you wish you had done things differently (there would be no reason to wish such if you were not insecure about the method and/or result).

I'm definitely one of those people that think of all the clever things to say after the fact. I hate this. A) It means that usually I fuck things up and B) I sound like I'm obsessing about the past. I hate it when people dwell on things that are past, but I can't say that I am innocent. In fact, I'm probably the most guilty. It's a vicious cycle, because the I hate myself for dwelling on the past.

Long story short, tonight I was out at an Irish pub. Things were relaxed and OK until this rather large (and by large, I mean his waistline) man and his father (who claimed he was 72) walked in. They appeared to be somewhat tipsy already. And the large man proceeded to harrass me.

Now, as far as harrassing goes, it was fairly tame, except for one point, when he pointed his finger at me and touched my nose. One more second of that and I probably would have been arrested. He acknowledged that I was being very patient. I'm not sure what would have happened had it lasted much longer, because I was losing my patience.

The thing was, even as it was happening, I didn't really know how to handle it, but I knew something had to be done. One embarrassing thing is that the person I was with stepped in and said something that was pretty effective in getting him to leave. I think mostly, I felt a bit like a pussy. And no matter how laid back I try to be, I am not OK with that. Strange, I am able to let things go for the most part - but tonight really made me angry. Thinking back, of course, there are tons of things I could have done differently or said.

I hope for a next time, and at the same time, I don't.

All work and no play ...

This last week I've been working quite a bit. I've pulled three 17 hour days, and the rest are about 10-12 hours. What all this has made me realise is that I have to love what I do in order to be able to work that much on a consistent basis. I just can't underestimate the importance of that to my general well-being. I've also realized how miserable I feel when I don't have a chance to take care of myself - I need to be able to work out, get out, take me time.

I really hope that I am moving down a reasonable path to fulfill both those needs.

All I want for Christmas is...

Warning: To those of you who are happy, this post will sound a little trite

I have suspected it for a long time, and my experiences and observations have only continued to support my suspicion.

I believe that (at least after the dawn of civilization) the primary impetus for all that we do is for happiness. I further postulate that happiness is defined by finding love and acceptance (the scope and scale of which depends on each person).

Why do some people work all the time, ruthlessly climbing the corporate ladder? To be admired, accepted, even worshipped.

Why do some people think only of money? Because they think it can buy them happiness. What does a house larger than you need or a car faster than you are legally able to drive it mean? Status, and nothing more.

Getting good at anything is an attempt to impress others. Sure, you can say it's only for yourself, you want to grow, blah blah blah, but really, it's to make someone take notice.

Even terrorists commit their acts not only for their religious beliefs, but to be martyrs to their families and to reap the rewards of affection in the afterlife (of a thousand virgins, no less). Though of a sexual nature, I think it ultimately has to do with the hope for love.

It also seems that no matter what happens, finding romantic love is a driving force for a lot of people, regardless of socioeconomic status, cultural background, or interest. I mean, is it just me, or is nearly every song on the radio about love and relationships? You don't hear many songs about much else.

Anyway. Just some thoughts as we enter the holiday season, where, according to surveys, only 36 percent of single men and 48 percent of single women are optimistic about (finding someone special, that is).

-----

One last note - currently, I'm somewhat ambivalent about all this. Right now, I'd be happy just to have time to play Halo 2. So I can crush Andy. I need Andy's acceptance. Andy's acceptance of a crushing defeat in Halo 2.

No imagination

I was perusing the Black Friday sales (why is it called that anyway) and noticed something in one of the ads. My first thought was, "That is so cool!" My second thought was, "Actually, that's kind of sad."

What was it? It was an ad for a Spiderman glove that shoots webs.

I remember pretending to be Spiderman when I was a kid, with nothing more than my imagination, and maybe some blue and red sweats on. I always thought it would be cool to be able to shoot real webs from my wrists... but now that the technology has been realized, I'm not so sure it's for the better.

Kids these days have more realistic toys, more technologically impressive toys, and more options than ever before. Somehow I feel like some of the creativity and imagination that goes into childhood play is being taken away in the name of sales and profits.

I think I'd prefer imagination over technology.

Furtive glances

Along the lines of Andy's post about how he says stupid things, I noticed lately that I sometimes don't look at people when I greet them or take my leave.


Example:

[Entering elevator]

[Noticing someone I recognize AND for whom I remember their name]

Me: Morning. [Without even making eye contact]

Another example:

[Leaving the post office counter after a transaction]

Me: Thanks. [Without even making eye contact, I turn and leave]


Ok, so maybe the examples weren't necessary, but you get the idea. I don't know if people notice this, but I totally don't do it on purpose. I guess I'm just eager to get on my way.

Note: I tend to do this only with people I don't know.

Inevitable

It happens to me on almost a daily basis. I am doing some inane task, like opening an envelope, or carrying a folder. And I can see it. I can see an accident waiting to happen. Usually, this involves some sort of sharp object, such as scissors or a letter opener. One wrong move, and it could mean a really nasty wound; perhaps a letter opener stab through the hand or through my solar plexus.

Even though I can see this accident waiting to happen, I proceed. Why? I don't know. I just do. I guess I am a daredevil, of sorts.

Cookie cutters

You see a lot of different people in the city. We're told that everyone is unique, that we are all different.

I actually don't think that everyone's all that unique. I think there is a finite set of cookie cutters, and we are all basically cookie cutter versions of each other. It just depends which cookie cutter.

Common stereotypes are a good example of the types of cookie cutters I'm talking about. Computer geek. Sports nut. Martial arts enthusiast. Extreme sports nut. Outdoorsperson. Socialite. Asian gangster. Hip-hop/rap gansta. Intellectual. Artsy type. Etc.

You might argue that there are infinite variations within a cookie cutter, but they are essentially the same, or at least, people almost try to fit into a certain group.

I think it probably boils down to a need to belong to something, to identify with something. You see what's out there, and you want it.

Granted, once in a while you'll have someone that's just completely unique, but they generally spawn a following and that is quickly lost.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a cookie cutter version of someone else, as long as you don't delude yourself that it's not the case.

Everybody else does it...

When I actually have something happen of note, I often don't have any desire to blog about it. This seems contradictory since that's usually the sort of thing I look forward to reading about in other people's blogs. So, I'll force myself to give a quick summary of this weekend.

Old friends Gary, Mark, and Rahul trekked over to NYC to visit. It was a good visit - lots of food, booze, and conversation. Oh, and a little debauchery.

Friday consisted mostly of getting our buzz on and dancing the night away, and putting on necessary calories at ungodly hours. What was interesting was that the club we ended up going to was like 100% asian. For those of you that know me, you might wonder why I would object, but lately I just feel strange being around all asians, especially ones I don't know. I make an exception for those that I am already friends with in spite of them being asian.

Saturday we ate bad chinese food and watched Michigan pound Northwestern (although to Northwestern's credit, they held on until the 3rd quarter). Then, we headed out to get wings at the local Hooters. Even though the wings were fatty, they were glorious. At least the first few were. Later, Rahul and I ended up having some gentlemanly fun before passing out.

Today was just laid back with food, company and hanging out. All in all, a very satisfactory weekend. Too bad it can't last.

Social awkwardness?

Lately people I've been hanging out with have been commenting on others' social awkwardness. I had a lively discussion of the difference in connotation between "dorks", "geeks" and "nerds", and which was the preferable descriptor (conclusion: nerds, because that connotes a general sense of intelligence with a twinge of social awkwardness but in an innocent, cute way, vs. geeks, who are smart but only about a few specific things, e.g. RISC microprocessors, vs. dorks, who do not connote a sense of intelligence but just a general awkwardness and perhaps below average intelligence).

By all objective accounts, I realize that I can be considered somewhat socially awkward, or at the very least, shy/introverted. Very scientifically sound online tests have confirmed that I lean slightly toward introversion. I do have a hard time quipping with strangers or saying profound/witty things with people I don't know.

After ruminating on this a bit, wondering why I'm not like other people who can strike up a conversation with just anyone, anytime, I've decided I'm not so much socially awkward as I am socially ambivalent.

To put it simply, I just don't care. If I don't have a compelling reason to know someone, I don't see the purpose in trying. Just because I'm curious about what's happening on a street corner doesn't mean I will ask about it. If I meet someone that I'm likely never to see again, I will promptly forget their name (this is a habit I should probably change if I ever have political aspirations). To me, you are not interesting unless I have a reason to be interested (which is probably at least part of the reason why meeting girls at bars is not a successful strategy for me).

This will probably stymie me in any forays into business or general career networking, but for the moment, it's a part of me. Should I change it? I haven't decided yet.