A bit personal, don't you think?

So I've tried to refrain from posting anything too personal. I suppose it's just part of the fact that most people are messed up (or as I like to say, "quirky" or "eccentric", but basically you're unstable) in some way or other. Thus, my not posting anything personal is just one more way that I keep people from knowing how screwed up I really am.

But, lately, I really don't care anymore. Because everyone is crazy. If you think you're not, then you're even more crazy than I am.

It seems the surest way to bring out most of the things that show how messed up someone is or can be is through relationships (or the pursuit thereof). It is during these times that I can totally unwind, albeit termporarily. This is when thoughts of resurrecting the stalking skills honed in the teen and college years come back, and you say and do stupid things.

So some of you are reading this and thinking, "Geez. This guy is scary unstable. He's some sort of crazy." But I disagree. I think everyone is basically crazy. It's what you do with that crazy that matters. Sure, I've sent my fair share of black roses and left my fair share of decapitated rodents on doorsteps, but that doesn't mean that I'm not a good person. Who's crazier? The person who is co-dependent or dependent, or the person who sends the occasional dismembered rat?

I would argue it's the former. But in any case, I don't think any of this is a sign of a lack of self-esteem (which is what some of you may be thinking at this point). Just because you're always asking, "Why won't anyone love me?" doesn't mean you don't love yourself. Although, I do think loving yourself exclusively isn't that healthy for too long. A lack of self-esteem I think would result in dependency, or something like that.

I'm also kind of bummed because I'm realizing more and more as I get older that I don't have a stable, routine group of friends to hang out with anymore. This makes me sad because if I feel like going to see a movie, I either have to ask an acquaintance, wait for a good friend to come to town, or go by myself. Not that I can't watch movies by myself, but it's not very fun and I don't like people looking at me with pity. Making new friends is hard to do, and it takes years before you have the friend that you can just hang out with. Which brings me to... I think all I need is to have a series of intense and meaningless flings. I think that would solve my problems forthwith.